Parents start dictating how the coach should run training, the coach forgets that the people in front of them are children, not adult professionals, and the child ends up caught between two sides whose ideas about what is “good for them” are often completely different.

And the child should be at the center of it all.

In its guidelines for grassroots football, UEFA stresses that children should have a positive, safe, and supportive environment, while clubs are expected to provide quality player development, coach education, good standards of conduct, and care for children’s well-being and safety.

FIFA, too, defines child safeguarding as the responsibility of everyone involved in football – clubs, coaches, parents, officials, and other adults.

This is an important starting point for any discussion about parents and coaches.

What do parents actually expect when they enroll their child in a football club?
Today’s parents most often expect more than just “somewhere for their child to play football.”

They expect organization, safety, a good attitude toward their child, professional coaching, communication, development, fair treatment for all children, and often a certain level of results.

And there is nothing wrong with that.
Parents have the right to know who works with their child, how training is organized, what the club’s rules are, how the club responds when a child has a problem, how it communicates with parents, and what the club expects of the child and the parent.

Parents also have the right to ask questions when something is unclear.

But there is a big difference between asking:
“Could you explain what you’re currently working on with the children and what you want to achieve with these training sessions?”
and asking:

“Why didn’t my child play ten minutes longer today, and why don’t you put them in the position I think they should play?”
The first is communication. The second is stepping into a professional decision. That boundary is not always easy to recognize, but it must exist.

Parents don’t have to be coaches to notice a problem
This may be the most important thing to tell parents.
The fact that a parent isn’t a coach doesn’t mean they can’t notice when something is wrong.

A parent may not know how to create an annual training plan, may not know the development methodology for a particular age group, may not know how many repetitions of an exercise there should be in a session, or why the coach uses a particular game at that moment.

But parents can see very well how their child feels. They can notice that their child comes home from training scared, session after session. They can notice that the coach constantly insults the children. They can see the coach publicly humiliate a child.

They can notice that the coach pays no attention to the children. They can see that the children are constantly punished, belittled, or intimidated at training. They can hear swearing.

They can see behavior that threatens a child’s physical or emotional safety. Parents don’t need a UEFA license for that. It is a matter of an adult’s responsibility toward a child.

That is exactly why FIFA does not treat safeguarding as an issue that belongs only to specialists. Child safeguarding involves preventing and responding to different forms of harm, including bullying, emotional abuse, neglect, and other inappropriate behavior.

“But the coach has to be an authority figure”
Of course they do. Children need authority. But authority and intimidation are not the same thing. A coach can be strict, demanding, and consistent. They can stop training. They can tell a child that their behavior is unacceptable.

They can demand discipline. They can tell a child they need to try harder. They can be very loud when it is necessary to organize the group.

But that doesn’t mean they have the right to humiliate, insult, intimidate, or swear at a child.
In its code of conduct for parents, UEFA specifically insists on respect for all participants and on not using or tolerating abusive, humiliating, or bullying language.

In its guidelines for working with children, FIFA explicitly states that a coach must not use humiliation or intimidation as a way to control a child.

That is why it is important to distinguish between raising one’s voice and verbal abuse.

It is not the same when a coach shouts during a match:
“Marko, get back! Mark your player!”

and when they say in front of the whole team:
“You’re useless, you don’t know anything, what are you even doing here?”

In the first case, the coach is trying to influence play. In the second, they are humiliating a child. These are not the same behaviors.

And what about swearing?
There shouldn’t be much room for doubt here. It is one thing when an adult swears in the heat of the moment after a missed chance.

It is another when a coach swears at a child. And it is a third when swearing has become the normal way of communicating with children.

If a coach directs insults and swear words at a child, especially if it happens repeatedly, parents have every right to respond.
And not just the right – they have reason to respond.

Research into verbal abuse of children shows that the content, tone, and manner of speech can be part of verbal maltreatment and are associated with various negative outcomes for children.

Research specifically related to sport also indicates that psychological maltreatment and neglect of children exist in sporting environments and should not be regarded as “a normal part of sport.”

That is why “that’s just football” is not a sufficient excuse. Football can be tough. It doesn’t have to be humiliating.

But there is another side to this
There is also a problem that should not be overlooked: sometimes parents expect too much these days. Their child is eight, nine, ten, or twelve years old, yet the adults around them are already talking about a professional career. Parents analyze playing time.

They watch to see who is invited to a tournament. They compare their child with another child. They comment on positions. They demand an explanation for every decision. They ask why “their little one” gets less playing time.

They ask for their child to play in a stronger group. They ask for an individual program. They ask for results. And all of this often comes from good intentions.

But good intentions do not automatically mean that the actions are good.
A systematic review that included 29 studies and more than 9,000 young athletes shows that parents play a very significant role in children’s motivation, but that autonomy support, moderate involvement, a positive relationship with the child, and support focused on effort and development rather than excessive pressure for results were identified as the optimal approaches.

Another study of young footballers found that children wanted more praise and understanding, and less excessive involvement and pressure.

In other words:
Parents should be interested. But they should not become a second coach. Parents don’t need to know tactics. They need to know how to observe their child.

This may be the best division of responsibilities.
The coach is the training specialist.
The parent is the parent.

The coach should know how to develop a child’s football skills.
The parent should know how their child behaves, feels, and responds.

The coach might say:
“This week we’re working on transitions.”
The parent doesn’t need to know what that means.

But the parent can say:
“I’ve noticed that my child has been coming home upset for the past month and doesn’t want to talk about training. Could we talk about it?” That is a completely legitimate question.

When should parents talk to the coach?
In many more situations than parents think. But how they do it is crucial. If a parent feels the training isn’t good enough, they can ask:
“What does the training plan for this group look like?”

If they feel their child has stopped progressing:
“What do you think are his/her biggest weaknesses, and what should we work on further?”

If their child isn’t getting enough opportunities:
“Could you explain how you decide on playing time and team selection?”

If there is a communication problem:
“My child has been worried in recent weeks about the way you speak to them. Could we talk about it?”

That is healthy communication.
Parents shouldn’t come with a conclusion. They can come with a question.

And what if a parent sees something that really isn’t right?
Then “I don’t know enough about it” is not a good enough reason to stay silent.

If a parent sees something they consider inappropriate, the first step may be to talk to the coach, provided there is no immediate danger to the child.

But don’t have the conversation in the middle of a match. Don’t approach the coach while they’re running training. Don’t argue in front of the children. Don’t make a scene on the sidelines.

It’s best to ask to speak in private and describe the specific behavior:
what happened, when it happened, what the child experienced, and why the parent thinks it is a problem.
Not:
“You’re a terrible coach.”
But:
“At last week’s match, I heard you say X to the child. I’d like to understand what happened and why that way of communicating was necessary.”
That opens the door to a conversation.

When isn’t talking to the coach enough?
If the problem keeps happening. If the coach refuses to talk at all. If the club has no system for handling complaints. If a parent has raised the same problem several times and nothing changes.

And especially if the behavior goes beyond an ordinary disagreement about professional work.

In cases of serious behavior – insults, threats, humiliation, physical punishment, discrimination, sexually inappropriate behavior, or serious neglect – the question is no longer:

“Am I interfering in the coach’s work?”
The question is:
“Is my child safe?”
That is a completely different category.
UEFA and FIFA insist that clubs have procedures for preventing, identifying, and reporting concerning behavior, meaning that child safeguarding should not depend on how “brave” an individual parent is about standing up to a coach.

“If you don’t like the coach, change clubs”
And this is part of the problem.

Changing clubs is a legitimate option. If the parent and child no longer trust the coach or the club, no one is obliged to stay in an environment that isn’t right for them. But leaving doesn’t always solve the problem.

If a parent sees that a coach swears at, humiliates, or neglects children, and simply takes their own child to another club, the problem remains for all the other children who stay. Of course, a parent is not an inspector, disciplinary committee, or safeguarding authority.

But a responsible club should have a way to receive, investigate, and respond to such concerns.

That is why the ideal system would be:
parent → coach → sporting director/coordinator → management or the person responsible for child safeguarding, depending on the seriousness of the problem.
In serious cases, don’t insist on confronting the coach directly if doing so could put the child at further risk.

How much do parents make coaches’ jobs harder?
Sometimes – a great deal. And that should be said openly. Today, coaches are often responsible for more than just what happens at training.
They are expected to be educators, psychologists, organizers, communicators, player-development specialists, conflict resolvers, and people who can satisfy twenty different parental expectations at the same time.

One parent wants results. Another wants their child to play. A third wants their child to play in a specific position. A fourth wants more individual training. A fifth wants their child to go to every tournament. A sixth thinks their child plays too much. A seventh thinks they play too little.

And the coach is supposed to make professional decisions based on age, development, ability, behavior, the needs of the group, and a long-term training plan. It’s not an easy job.

Research shows that coaches, especially in more demanding sporting environments, can be exposed to significant stress related to pressure for results, heavy workloads, managing athletes, and external expectations.

That is why parents need to understand one thing: paying membership fees does not mean they are buying the right to run training.
The membership fee pays for the service the club provides.

It doesn’t buy a place in the starting lineup. It doesn’t buy playing time. It doesn’t buy the captain’s armband. It doesn’t buy a position. It doesn’t buy a win. And it doesn’t buy the coach.

But neither can the coach say, “Parents have no business asking questions”
That isn’t acceptable either. Parents are not a nuisance.

UEFA sees parents as an important part of a positive sporting environment and emphasizes the need for cooperation between parents, coaches, and children. Its grassroots football guidelines openly say that parents should be involved in a positive way and helped to understand how they can best support their child.

A good coach shouldn’t be afraid of questions.
They can say:

“That’s my professional decision, and I’ll explain why.”
They can say:

“I understand your concern, but I think this is better for the child right now.”
They can even say:

“We disagree, and that’s okay.”
Professionalism isn’t about never being asked a question. It’s about how you answer it.

And what should we expect from the child?
Parents sometimes get this wrong too. We should expect children to come to training, respect their coach and teammates, try to the best of their ability, follow the rules, and accept that not every training session will be perfect.

But we shouldn’t expect every child to become a future star. Not every child needs to win a tournament. Not every child needs to play professional football.

UEFA specifically emphasizes that only a small proportion of children who train are interested in elite sport, and an even smaller number will actually become elite athletes.

The purpose of grassroots football is therefore not just to create future professionals, but also to help children develop a love of sport, fundamental motor skills, healthy habits, and a positive attitude toward physical activity.

That is a huge difference.

If a child doesn’t become a professional footballer by the age of 10, training wasn’t wasted. If they learn to be part of a team, accept defeat, respect others, persevere when something isn’t going well, and enjoy sport, the club has already done a very important job.

The most important question isn’t: “Is the coach good?”
It may be better to ask a few other questions.

Is the child safe?
Does the coach respect them?
Does the child feel they can make a mistake and try again?
Are they learning at training, or is it just shouting?
Does the coach notice all the children, or only the best players?
Does the club have clear rules of conduct?
Is there a way for parents to raise concerns?
Are complaints taken seriously?

Only then comes the question:
“How much has the child improved as a footballer?”

Because development without safety is not good development.
UEFA explicitly emphasizes that children should have an environment where they can learn, enjoy themselves, and improve, while FIFA makes child safeguarding an integral part of the responsibility of everyone involved in football.

Three simple rules for parents
Maybe the whole discussion can be boiled down to three rules.
1. Don’t teach the coach how to coach – but ask when you don’t understand something.
You don’t need to know training methodology. But you have the right to ask for an explanation.

2. Don’t ask for special treatment for your child – ask for fair and safe treatment.
Asking for your child to always play is not the same as asking for all children to be treated with respect.

3. Don’t stay silent when a child’s well-being is at risk.
If the problem is simply that you disagree with a professional decision, talk about it.
If there is humiliation, abuse, swearing, threats, physical punishment, discrimination, or neglect, respond seriously and through the appropriate channels.

And three rules for coaches
Coaches also have clear boundaries.

1. The parent is not your opponent.
Parents sometimes ask difficult questions, but most often they ask because they care about their child.

2. Expertise does not give you the right to behave badly.
A diploma, license, experience, and results do not give a coach the right to insult a child.

3. Authority is not built on fear.
Children can respect a demanding coach. They can respect a strict coach. They can respect a coach who expects discipline. But long-term trust is not built through humiliation.

So, in the end, should parents “interfere”?
Yes – but not in professional decisions just because they disagree with them.

And yes – absolutely, when they see behavior that could put a child at risk.

Those are two completely different things. Parents shouldn’t decide how the coach sets up the defense. They shouldn’t pick the team lineup. They shouldn’t choose the child’s position.

They shouldn’t demand playing time. But parents have every right to ask why their child is being systematically humiliated. They have the right to ask why the coach swears at children.

They have the right to respond if their child comes home scared. They have the right to ask for an explanation when they suspect neglect. They have the right to expect the club to have rules and procedures that protect children.

And coaches, for their part, have the right to expect parents to respect their professional role, not shout from the stands, not comment on every decision, and not turn children’s football into a project for fulfilling their own ambitions.

The healthiest relationship isn’t one where parents and coaches never disagree. It is one where they can disagree without the child becoming collateral damage.

Because, when all is said and done, neither the parent nor the coach is there for themselves.

They are there for the child.